For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
