My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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