I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
