your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
