you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
