you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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