tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
