??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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