You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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