So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
