Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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