he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize