erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
