Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ugly people sure do ruin things
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
