Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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