Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
