Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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