i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
