Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
