I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
