I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
