Im at strip club and am horny
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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