I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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