i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I smell stomach acid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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