Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
