Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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