I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize