you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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