Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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