either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
