I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
