i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
God, I missed his penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
