I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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