I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize