Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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