This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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