i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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