You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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