Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
