singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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