i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
