You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
