i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Holy shit dude........stairs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
