If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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