I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize