Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
