I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
