Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
