I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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