Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
