they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
