oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize