I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
