You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
