Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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