You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
