the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
