Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
