Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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