it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
