im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
