Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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