i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
