I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As shirtless as possible
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
