this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
