Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
