I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
