At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize