I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
